One of my favorite books of all time is The Wingfeather Saga, by Andrew Peterson. One of the reasons I love it so much is because Peterson broke the traditional mold and actually had his MC’s family involved in the plot.
Why is that so rare when family is so common? For convenience’s sake? Because we’re just copying what others have done? Because family isn’t so common anymore?
I ended up doing a lot of research for this article (waaay more than I had thought originally, which is why it’s a week late XD) and I found that family, at least the way God designed it, isn’t exactly the norm – and a lot of the stats I found were from three or four years ago. Curious? Let’s take a look.
Familial Stats
America has the highest rate of single-parent homes in the world at 23%
⅓ of American children live with an unmarried parent.
The number of American kids living with cohabiting parents has doubled since 1997.
Only 65% of American children live with two married parents, as compared to 85% in 1968.
76% of Americans think that divorce is morally acceptable (which it isn’t. Jesus said no one should get a divorce except on the grounds of sexual immorality, and those who marry a divorced woman (or man) commit adultery with her).
About 39% of American marriages end in divorce as of 2018.
15% of American children live in blended families, with half of those having at least one step-parent. That’s 5.3 million kids with stepparents, you guys.
5.6% of Americans identify as gay, Lesbian, or transgender.
There’s been a 12% increase in acceptance of homosexuality in the US between 2013 and 2019, and it’s only gotten worse. source
69% of people consider homosexuality to be morally acceptable, compared to 30% who say it is not and 1% who didn’t state an opinion.
27% of responders to this survey thought that same-sex marriages should be recognized by the law as valid in the US in 1996, compared to 71% in 2022. That’s a HUGE increase in the past 26 years, y’all.
The number of LGBTQ characters in streaming services for the 2021-22 season is kinda incredible, with 36 for Hulu, 36 for Amazon, 71 for HBO Max, and a shocking 155 for Netflix. Source
Between 2014 and 2019, the number of LGBTQ characters increased by – get this – 190%.
There were 630,000 legal abortions commmitted in the US in 2019. New York was the leading abortion state, reporting over 78,000 killed, compared to Wyoming, which only had 31 put to death. (Stats from 2019)
“As of July 2022, 76 percent of Americans surveyed supported legalizing abortion when the woman’s health is endangered by her pregnancy. Furthermore, just under three-quarters of respondents surveyed believed abortion should be legal in cases of rape or incest, while only 24 percent supported a nationwide ban on abortion.” –Source
What’s the Point?
Ok, I know I just threw a bunch of numbers and percentages at you, but take a minute to digest. Which was the most surprising stat? Why? Did you notice that there’s been a 190% increase in transgender characters in just five years? That’s media, for you. Notice how between 2013 and 2019, there was a 12% increase in acceptability for homosexuality. That’s the same time frame as when the media started their drastic increase in homosexual characters. Coincidence? I think not.
Media impacts culture, and I didn’t even bother with getting into the whole race issue.
But what does this have to do with us? We can’t raise 630,000 babies from the dead. We can’t give 5.3 million kids their birth parents back. We can’t make Netflix remove 155 LGBT characters from their films. Why even bother when we’re clearly so behind in the race?
All throughout the Bible we run into lists upon lists of names and names and more names. Why are they even there? Who cares that Reu was 32 when he had Serug or that Barachel was a Buzite? Because of family.
Jesus once said that those who follow him are like his mother, his brother, his sister. Family.
The relationship between God and Jesus was intense, a Father/Son duo that has never before been that revealed. Family.
Who did Noah take with him on the ark? His family.
Of the three disciples Jesus was closest with, two were brothers. Family.
The beginning of the Bible contains a wedding. Family.
And the very end of the Bible also contains a wedding. Family.
You tell me family isn’t important. You tell me it isn’t worth fighting for.
What Can I Do?
*draws chair up close to you and looks you in the eyes* Word warrior, you have a critical job. This isn’t going to be easy. People are going to hate you for the words you write. You’re going to be rejected. You’re going to be called names, insulted, mocked, torn down. There’s a cost that comes with following Jesus.
And not all of us are called to write about family. I think I am. Others are called to tackle big problems like abortion, the sex trade, idolatry, or just plain selfishness (which is where I’d bet a lot of those stats are coming from). But I’m not the only one who feels this burden for our broken, bloodied families. I know I’m not. You might feel this too. In which case, I’m here to inspire you.
You have people behind you as you fight this battle. I know it’s inconvenient for those parents to be around when you really just need them to let your 12-year-old hero run off to slay a dragon. I know those siblings need to get out of the way so your protagonist can do what he needs to do. I know you don’t know how to write a good family because you’ve never been in one.
So learn. Ask around. I live in an awesome family, but I have no idea what it’s like to live in one that’s not. To be adopted. To be abandoned or abused. So I asked. A lot of people are willing to talk about those things if people just show that they care.
My original theme for my current WIP was on gifts, how each of us have talents and are expected to invest them, like Jesus’ parable in Matthew 25. But you know what? As I wrote, I realized that this isn’t what the story is about. Sure, in a small way, that has something to do with it. But there was something else that stood out. Something more important.
Family.
As I looked at my outline, I realized I had accidentally created a… a balance, if you will. One main character comes from an awesome, big family with two married parents and siblings who love her. Another comes from an abusive single father/brother/it’s-complicated home. Another is adopted and handicapped.
Exploring each of these options with these characters has been a blast. Trying to strike the right chord has been less so.
There are kids out there who need to know what it’s like to have an abusive parent. Who need to know how to be empathetic towards those who are adopted.
But you guys?
There are so. many. more who just need to know what it looks like to have parents who love them, who share the same blood. There are kids who don’t know what it’s like to eat a meal with their family or to laugh so hard with them that milk comes out their noses. They don’t know what it’s like to get a hug from their dad or a random present from a sibling. They don’t realize that family is more than just a way to survive, a way to get money for their phone or car. They don’t realize what it’s like to have that built-in support system designed specifically for them.
They’ve never heard their parents say, “I love you.”
I was a counselor at a camp this past summer, working with four middle-school girls throughout the week. Of those four girls, three had step-dads. One’s mama wasn’t the most verbally kind person. And I got to see the effects of that firsthand.
This is our task, you guys. To let those lonely kids read the words, “I love you” and see that there is hope. To have them stop and stare at the one scene in there that shows what a family should be, and be inspired to make their family look like that.
Media impacts culture. If we flooded the marketplace with books that showed real, raw, honest families the way the perfect Creator designed them, what would happen? Would we have movies where parents aren’t dull-witted idiots, the villains, or just plain dead? Maybe we’d have more fantasy on the shelves where the family is actually involved, like in The Wingfeather Saga. Maybe, just maybe, we’d even see an increase in couples who stay together or babies whose lives are preserved.
Your words matter. So how are you going to use them?
Until next time,
Take courage, pursue God, and smile while you still have teeth!! ^_^
-Joelle
(P.S. Want to learn about the dos and don’ts of writing fictional families? Check out these articles by Rachel Leitch on Kingdom Pen. The first is on writing families in general and parents, the second on siblings. Very helpful!)
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