In case you missed all my posts on MBTI, I'm an ENFJ. That essentially means that I have very few memes about my type and a lot of profound quotes from other ENFJs floating around on the internet. XP
That also means that I'm qualified (mostly) to answer Google's top 10 most-asked questions about the ENFJ - similar to what I did when I answered Google's top 10 questions about writers.
*rubs hands together* I can't wait. >:)
The Questions
If you open https://google.com, then type "Why are ENFJs" into the search bar, you should come up with something that looks like this. If you don't, please let me know how in the world you managed that. :P Anyway, those are the most-searched endings to your question. And those are what I'm going to be answering today. It looks like quite the mixed bag, so this should be interesting in the least. XD
So, without further ado, why are ENFJs...
...Hated?
Admittedly I'm a little concerned that this is the #1 most asked question. C'mon ENFJs, we're better than this. XD
That being said, every type has its flaws. I'm not sure why people hate ENFJs - it's probably a personal preference thing more than an overarching "Every ENFJ has this disliked quality" thing. That being said, we have a reputation for being goody-two-shoes and almost as perfect as the INFJ, but being more pushy about everyone else being "perfect" as well. (*coughs* No one is perfect but Jesus, by the way... *cough cough*) So maybe that? XD
...So Rare?
Because the world couldn't handle more of us and our magnificence. *strikes regal pose*
Just kidding. :P Ask God, 'cause he's the one who made the ratios the way they are. XP
That being said, supposedly there is a ridiculously rare amount of male ENFJs - rare meaning that's the most rare type in men. You'll see a fair amount of female ENFJs hanging around, so we're not rare in that sense. But on a global, both-genders scale, the lack of male ENFJs kinda drops our numbers waaay down there.
...
Um... anyone else getting these vibes? XD
Moving on!
...So
I think Google didn't have 10 questions and so just decided to leave my questions at that.
So... I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. XD
...So Attractive
See what I mean by this being a mixed bag? :P
That being said, if you do the same Google exercise with the other types, most of them have this question as well. Which leads me to believe that each type is attractive in its own way and various other types are so confused by that that they feel the need to ask Google.
Aren't I a genius? XP
...So Charming?
Two letters: Fe.
Extroverted Feeling, that is. It's our top function and is an extremely social and chameleon-y function. (Confused?) Fe is naturally able to get along well with most people in various situations, both by mirroring the other person's emotions and quirks and things, and also by intuitively understanding what makes them click. Because of this, a lot of ENFJs are able to sense what kinds of things will make you like them and what kinds of things turn you away in about 5 minutes. Yes, it's kinda creepy if you think about it. So, ENFJs are able to turn the charm on and off like a switch depending on their mood - especially around strangers, at least in my experience. The trouble comes in when you have several people in the same room with different likes and dislikes and the ENFJ is trying to please them all and ends up pleasing no one and confusing themselves. *facepalm*
ENFJs also tend to be the kings and queens of the social world. We subconsciously get social structures, customs, and rules without really ever thinking about it and so rarely break those, which can result in a charming personality.
...So Annoying?
I think this goes back to the first question. We all have traits that others find annoying that are distinct to ourselves. That being said, the ENFJ's tendency to be a "perfect angel" can seriously rub other people the wrong way, especially if they try to get others to "be better". I've learned that a lot of people see that tendency as the ENFJ trying to "fix" them, when in reality we're not trying to fix the person, but the person's circumstances. Sometimes the person needs fixed, yes. But... that Fe function also has a really hard time telling other people that they're wrong or that they have bad qualities, mostly because it really cares about other people feeling good. So it's both a blessing and a curse. XD
...Attracted to INFPs?
Because INFPs are amazing. 🥰
Actually, there's more to it than that. I won't get into all the details, but essentially the INFP is the ENFJ's ideal partner in crime. Our cognitive functions are lined up to perfectly compliment one another, especially in a brainstorming sense. ENFJs are also known for being the ones to draw an INFP out of their shell, mostly because we notice and *cough* target *cough cough* loners or people on the outskirts of the social scene. INFPs tend to be found there, for whatever reason. (Though I personally know of at least two INFPs who are socially awesome and tend to be in the thick of things more often than not. XD) The ENFJ naturally wants to include the INFP, so we go talk to them. And then things click and it's history from there. XD
...So Manipulative?
I really really really hate that we have this reputation. I don't know what my fellow ENFJs out there have done to deserve this, but we really gotta shape up, 'cause this is not okay.
Ahem.
This goes back to that Fe function. You know how I was talking about how ENFJs are good at sniffing out people's likes and dislikes almost immediately? Yeah. That's both a good thing and a bad thing. On the one hand, that means that we can be very likeable, useful on the social scene, help cover people's weak spots, and are great at networking. That also means that we have the ability to get information you never really intended to give us, from your weaknesses to the ways to get you to trust us and other not-so-fantastic things. ENFJs often find themselves as the emotional caretakers and confidants of those around them. Which means that if the ENFJ has negative intentions, it becomes very easy for them to blackmail you into getting what they want.
That being said, ENFJs are also very good at mind games - subtly directing your thoughts towards what we want you to think, believe, or do. Once again, this can be used in both good and bad ways. Good because it makes averting things like conflict or awkward situations fairly simple, and because it makes mind games like mafia or chess only a matter of messing with people's minds so much they get confused. Bad because it means we can also be using you as a puppet without you even realizing it. Sometimes we do it for your own good (in our opinion - we're wrong sometimes and that gets really messy), sometimes not.
I think it comes down to you being aware of how your ENFJ friends and family members are treating you, and what actions you preform on their advice or behalf. Also remember that not every warm, open person has your best interest in mind, and some things are meant to be kept between you and God only anyway. Don't dive into relationships with anyone right away - take some time to get to know them first, no matter if you really want to confide in them.
That being said, not all ENFJs are manipulative - I would even go so far as to say most aren't, at least not on purpose. When you apply general labels like this, we get into the dangerous area of using personality types to define someone instead of explain them. Tread carefully, make sure God is involved, and listen to other, trusted people's counsel and you should be fine in most of your relationships, not just with ENFJs. :)
I still hate that we have this label, though. *frowns and mutters about us*
...So Popular?
Hey look, we're back to Fe. XD Remember that social kings and queens thing I was talking about, and how that plays into being charming and attractive? Yeah, consider this one answered. XP
So what did you think? Do you have any questions about ENFJs? Should I do a series of these on each of the types? What makes some types attractive to you and others not? Why is Gomora?
Until next time,
Take courage, pursue God, and smile while you still have teeth!! ^_^